Voting preference of cats breaks new ground, says political pollster and political pun-dit
After a host of polling issues in the Alberta and BC provincial elections, today there is a real option in more accurate public opinion research. Cat polling. But not only cats. All pets.
With remarkably low response rates to telephone and online panel surveys at this time, zinc tank is pleased to announce the launch of their Pet Electoral Tracking Study (P.E.T.S.).*
Zinc tank president Brian F. Singh describes the groundbreaking new method as a true game-changer: "With 26 million pets in Canada, we have found that owners love to speak on behalf of their cats and dogs. Our team has tapped into this passion and developed a proprietary neuroscience technique, Anthro Linguistic Projective Organization (A.L.P.O.). This has led to incredible response rates that are more representative and more accurate than any other data seen in recent years. We have found that cat surveys are accurate because cats are highly random - a 500 cat poll is by definition a "random" sample. Such a sample constitutes a herd, and “herd” is the new listening mode.Pets' preferences may influence owners' votes
"We have found that owners consider their pets politically engaged and that their views accurately reflect the opinion of the entire household," Singh explains. “An intriguing finding was that orange tabbies tended to vote Conservatives, while black & white short-hairs leaned Liberal.
"As a long-time critic of all traditional polling methods, I feel that cats and dogs opinions best represent the state of party preference and performance of leaders. P.E.T.S. is proven, out-of-the-crate thinking. With its success, and given that Statistics Canada's cat census is notoriously out of date, we are now in discussion with Google to develop “Google Cat,” to help calibrate their insights algorithms.”
Singh also added that Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s cat, Stanley, was unavailable for comment but that rumor has it he is an undecided voter.
Zinc tank looks forward to P.E.T.S. playing a key role in the 2015 federal election, and then rolling out in time for the US national election in 2016.
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*Note: This is an April Fool’s prank. With the exception of our opening statement, none of this is true. Polling is an important part of living in a democracy, but we can also have some fun at its expense. We hope that this parody made your day a little more entertaining. No animals were hurt in the preparation of this news release.